How to Create New Year’s Resolutions That Actually Last.

The New Year has a way of making us feel like we’re supposed to reinvent ourselves overnight. Everywhere we look, there’s pressure to set big goals, overhaul our routines, and suddenly become the most disciplined, productive, polished versions of ourselves. And while the idea of a “fresh start” can feel exciting, it can also create a quiet sense of dread because so many of us have lived the cycle of trying to change everything at once, only to feel defeated weeks later.

In therapy and as a therapist, I’m reminded again and again that lasting change doesn’t come from pressure or force. It doesn’t come from shame or from telling yourself you “should” be further ahead. Real change grows from compassion, intentionality, and understanding what you truly need. As we step into a new year, I invite you to consider a different approach, one that supports your mental health instead of fighting against it.

Start with how you want to feel, not what you want to fix

So many resolutions are rooted in self-criticism: I need to stop doing this… I should do more of that… If only I were better at…
But when goals start from a place of “not enough,” they usually end in frustration, overwhelm, or resentment.

Try asking yourself a softer, more curious question:
How do I want to feel this year?
More grounded? More confident? More connected? More at peace?

Once you know the feeling you’re reaching toward, the steps become clearer and more authentic. You’re no longer forcing yourself into a rigid plan. You’re building a life that supports the emotional experience you’re longing for.

Change happens in small, compassionate steps

We often underestimate the power of small shifts. Clients will tell me, “That’s too easy,” or “That won’t change anything.” But your nervous system doesn’t want a dramatic overhaul; it wants consistency. It wants something it can trust and feel safe doing.

Choosing one tiny, doable action each day like something that takes a few minutes, not a full lifestyle makeover, creates momentum. It builds confidence. It teaches your brain, “I can do this,” instead of “Here we go again…I’m failing.”
These small steps often end up creating the biggest changes, simply because they’re the ones we can sustain.

Focus on what you can influence, not what you can control

Sometimes we set resolutions around things that aren’t fully in our hands. Whether we’ll fall in love, whether we’ll get a certain job, whether anxiety or stress will magically disappear. And then we blame ourselves when those outcomes don’t happen the way we hoped.

A healthier approach is shifting to the parts you can influence. You can’t control everything, but you can show up for yourself in ways that make those outcomes more likely. You can take steps toward the life you want, without tying your worth to the result.

That shift alone often reduces pressure and brings clarity.

Let rest and connection be part of the plan

Something I see often is the desire to “do more” without considering the need for rest, pleasure, and human connection. Resolutions don’t always have to be about growth in the traditional sense. Sometimes the resolution that changes everything is:
I’m going to honor my limits.
I’m going to check in with myself before saying yes.
I’m going to nurture the relationships that make me feel seen.

When we give ourselves permission to slow down and reconnect, both internally and externally, we create the foundation for sustainable change.

A gentle reminder as you move into the new year…

You don’t need to become a different person to have a meaningful year. You don’t need perfect discipline, and you don’t need to force yourself into goals that don’t actually serve you. What you need is compassion, intention, and a willingness to meet yourself where you are.

If you’re looking to build healthier patterns, strengthen your self-esteem, or navigate life transitions this year, therapy can be a supportive place to start. Together, we can create goals that feel aligned, manageable, and connected to the version of you you’re becoming.

Ready to Start the New Year with Support?

If you're hoping to create healthier habits, build self-esteem, or navigate anxiety with more clarity this year, therapy can offer a space to explore what you truly need.
I provide virtual therapy for adults in New York, New Jersey, and Florida, helping clients create meaningful, sustainable change…without pressure or perfectionism.

Click here to schedule a free consultation and begin your new year feeling grounded, supported, and genuinely empowered!